Grief Process
Helping Grieving Children
Beth Kean LPC, LMFT, ATR-BC, LPC-S, Co-Director Hope& Healing Place
Grief has an impact on the entire family in various ways. Each person who had a relationship with the person who died will experience their own unique grief. Grief is different for each child, teen and adult. Grief and mourning are part of the grief process, at Hope & Healing Place we want to provide an opportunity for all who enter our family to experience safety, companioning and an opportunity to tell their story. Our family program offers support to the entire family. The family will be supported and encouraged along their grief journey.
Some important things to consider about child/teen grief:
- Development - Always consider the stage of development that a child/teen is experiencing. They will process information and experiences through their level of development. (See Stages of Development)
- Questions – Always answer the questions your child asks. Most of the time you only need to answer the question. That will satisfy their need for information. It is important to establish an honest level of communication. They will only ask questions they need answered at the moment in time. JUST GIVE the FACTS with genuine regard for the character of the child/teen. They will return when they need more information.
- Feeling Responsible – Many times a child/teen feels totally responsible for the DEATH. In the mind of a child/teen it is easy to make a connection "if I had only……" to the person who died. An example of a 7 year old who in their own mind thinks "If I had made all A's my dad would not have driven his motorcycle so fast and died!" The best response is to just validate that the child/teen did nothing to cause the person to die. This is a very important VALIDATION!
- Behaviors - Regressive ( Going Back) Children/teens will often demonstrate behaviors they did a long time ago. This is very NORMAL.
Younger Children – (Ages 3 to 11) will often go back to younger behaviors like:
- Bed Wetting
- Thumb Sucking
- Excessive Clinging to Parent
- Crying
- Experimentation with Alcohol or Drugs
- Outbursts of Anger
- Trying to step into the ROLE of the person who Died
The best approach to helping in these situations is with younger children is not to consequent for behaviors out of the child's control. Redirect the behaviors and be understanding. This behavior will subside. If it continues contact a mental health provider who can provide other coping skills.
For teens it is good to give them space but not let a negative behavior continue. Confront your (the parent) concerns with the teen and negotiate a better plan. Teens appreciate being treated with respect.
Suicide – At Hope & Healing Place we are often asked, what does a parent tell their child/teen about a death that was due to suicide?
Our response is always tell the child/teen the TRUTH. During intake, we are asked what to say to my child? Our response is to ask a question. The question is this……
Do you want a person who does not know you or your child to ask about the suicide? It is likely that based upon the media explanation and the general public interest, someone will ask your child about the suicide. Once a parent breaks a level of trust with the child/teen it is hard to regain that trust.
At Hope & Healing Place for the last years of service to this community we have set our goal at providing help to families and individuals who have experienced the death of someone significant! All Life is Significant!
All of these concerns about your child or teen are normal within the grief process. It is our hope at HHP that we can companion you and your family during a time that is most significant!!!
